I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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