I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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