I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
