Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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