dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
