I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
