so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
