Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize