I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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