I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You took a bar mat shot.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
