so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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