dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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