Jerry, you need to find god
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize