omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
