There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
