he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
do nipples grow back?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
