And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
