even my farts smell like vagina
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
