I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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