remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
