Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
