remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
