you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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