That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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