I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
