Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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