I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
