There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
