in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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