that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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