We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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