At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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