Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
