Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
