life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
