4 words: hood of his car
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
