yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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