i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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