OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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