At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
