..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
