i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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