I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We left the knife in your bed.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
