I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
