Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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