The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
