Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
