he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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