And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
