im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He did a backflip because drugs
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
