Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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