Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
