i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
