This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
