I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize