I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
