The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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