You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
