speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
