Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
