Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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