He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
