im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
