So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
