I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
