And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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