Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My ass is underappreciated
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize