honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
