I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
